June 14th 1974…

My mothers womb released an infant deity in a whispering blast, a glittering ticker tape parade of butterflies and florals.
Woodland creatures gathered around the newborn to marvel at it’s glowing aura, warm and cooing, nestled in a giant golden lotus.
An ostentation of peacocks gathered around the genderless child, to shield the forest of the bright beacon that startled the fragrant night blossoms.
A choir of angels kissed the child with soft wings, creating celestial music as their plumes brushed against his skin. 
A miracle…

Then Godzilla came and ate the little fucker.

YAY!! It’s my birthday!!
I’m not doing shit today but smoke pot, drink wine and fart, at my pool!!


 When your life is filled with constant noise, panic, competition, issues, and fear…it is necessary to leave those ideas behind to find your actual self. It is that exact chaos that propels me daily, much of it coming from my own self doubt. I can speak candidly and openly about this, because I know many people are rowing that same boat to nowhere. 

  Life is (should be) a constant evolution. I am teaching myself to let go of fear and to not sweat the small stuff. It sometimes feels alien to take those baby steps towards self love, but I am determined. 

  I realize that many people look towards me as a beacon of strength and confidence, and I like it. I have been placed in a position of “role model” to so many people of different lifestyles, ages, orientations, all around the world, and I like it. It may come as a surprise to some that someone like me who owns this role in life, is plagued by fear and doubt. I am human, we are human, and from my experiences thus far, I know we will be OK. 

I tell myself “Sutan, you will be fine…breathe, let the universe do her thang”, and when I repeat this mantra, she bestows the most amazing blessings. 

I am writing this to you while on a holiday with friends in Northern Idaho, Lake Hayden to be exact. It is my third summer in a row visiting this tranquil and magical place. If I gave you the role call of friends here with me and my relationship to them, you would also understand what I mean by magic. Upon arrival, it was like I checked the bullshit in my head at the door. I needed the clarity and time to just do me. I have filled my time here with writing, painting, laughing, playing, day dreaming, self affirmations, exercising, brainstorming, sleeping, and not acknowledging my slave master of an iPhone. There is no phone service here (only WiFi) so I am not being burdened with texting and obsessing.

  My first visit here was during my chaotic reign as “America’s Next Drag Superstar” a few years ago, and my great friend Traver Rains shot the native in the canoe photo shown above. It is my homage to the tradition of the “two spirit” which I relate to strongly. It was an impromptu moment of creative outburst that produced such an image, all against a perfect sunset.

  I feel refreshed already, and I still have a few days left of bliss.

  I will not feel guilty for this indulgence, because life should not be all about panic.

  I encourage everyone( if only for one moment), to stop, refresh, and find yourself wherever you are at. You deserve it. Maybe turning your phone off for the day could help.

  More thoughts later, there is an omelette getting cold next to me.

  I love life, I love my friends, and I am blessed to have so many who love me.

  Have a beautiful day,




"Who the hell is this?!"

"When is this bitch gonna shut up!"


"Why does she keep giving me the stink eye"

Was my first mental thoughts that shouted in my mind upon first meeting my friend Manila aka Karl. I thought I was going to hate her.

After the second or maybe third day at drag race, we became fast friends. We laughed at the same jokes, always whimsical with a taste of evil. Which is probably the best way to describe her art.

Karl became one of the people on drag race who I found the most connection with, because of our parallels.

We are both of mixed Asian and European descent.

We both are illustrators and painters.

We have the same understanding of (pop) cultural historical references.

We both love to use irony as a medium.

and above all…

We like to laugh, drink white wine, and “occasionally” smoke the good herb… A lot.

I am very proud of my friend. She is so beautiful and strong. He lifts me up when I am so mean to myself. She pushes me (over the edge sometimes) to do more. He is my collaborator and creative partner. I suppose the friendship works this well because I do the same for her.

I fucking love this bitch!!

Titles mean nothing. Manila wins for me every day.

I often think she was one of the greatest prizes I won on drag race.

Happy birthday to my friend. Let’s all wish this amazing person a very happy day and continued success, he/she deserves it.

Wait….how old is it anyway?

Hasn’t she been 28 for 3 years now?

She’s fishy alright… fishy.